What is ifs?
Internal Family Systems (IFS) is an evidence-based therapeutic model created by Richard Schwartz in the 1980s. As a family-systems trained psychotherapist, he observed within his clients a sort of “inner family” made up of different parts, most of which want to help, and some that are wounded and exiled. He also observed a Core Self in his clients that was not a part, that possessed various qualities like calmness, curiosity and patience (more on that further on).
The goal of IFS is to help this wise Core Self become the leader of your inner system so that your parts can heal, relax and work together instead of pulling you in different directions and robbing you of vitality.
There are three main types of parts:
Managers; these parts try to keep you in control and prevent emotional pain. For example, the inner/outer critic, the planner, the achiever or the people-pleaser.
Firefighters; these parts “put out fires” when the managers fail to keep the exiles at bay. When big emotions threaten to break through, they mobilize to numb or distract you with behaviors like substance abuse, bingeing, overworking or scrolling.
Exiles; these are the young, vulnerable parts of you that carry unbearable narratives or feelings like shame, terror or loneliness. These usually originate in childhood or infancy.
IFS holds that there are no bad parts, even if they seem to be behaving in ways that cause you problems. Some help you to function extremely well as long as they are not forced into extreme positions.
In addition to our parts, everyone has a Core Self that is not damaged (no matter what you’ve experienced) and is intended to function as your inner leader. When you are in Self, you tend to feel any of the eight “C” qualities or five “P” qualities:
“C” qualities; calm, compassion, curiosity, clarity, courage, confidence and creativity.
“P” qualities; persistence, playfulness, patience and perspective.
Therapy focuses on helping you to get to know your protective parts so that they feel understood. Once these parts trust you, you’ll have access to your wounded, exiled parts, and the ability to unburden them of their painful narratives. This will help you operate from your Core Self energy more of the time.
This is what typically happens in IFS sessions:
We slow down and notice what’s happening inside (thoughts, images, body sensations, emotions) and identify which parts are present.
You learn to turn toward these parts with curiosity instead of judgment or defensiveness, asking questions like, “What do you need me to know?” and “What are you afraid would happen if you didn’t do your job?”
Over time, protective parts (Managers and Firefighters) learn to trust that your Core Self can handle hard emotions/situations and they soften.
When it’s safe, we gently connect with Exiles (the hurt, younger parts) so they can be witnessed, comforted and unburdened of their painful feelings and narratives
Clients often report more emotional balance, less harsh inner or outer criticism and more flexibility in their relationships as their parts’ roles become less extreme and more cooperative.